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Billy Bratzenbier tagged posts

The Tennis Star, The Butcher and The Sausage Baby

It’s About the Sausage, Baby

This Pedestrian article, entitled Scottish Butcher Celebrates Andy Murray’s Baby With Cursed Sausage Golem describes the unique way that Scottish butcher John Hill celebrated tennis star Andy Murray and his wife Kim’s newborn baby girl. Essentially, he created a sausage baby, so congrats to John Hill on the birth of his sausage baby. More sausage babies means more sausage and that’s a good thing.

The thing about sausage babies is that they make us smile unless they don’t. So how do you send best baby wishes to the parents of a new sausage baby?

  • 🌭 “A sausage baby changes you forever!”
  • 🌭 “Enjoy your sausage baby’s infancy!”
  • 🌭 “The joyful smile on your sausage baby will forever bring you happiness!”

Figuring out the proper sa...

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‘Tis the Season: Sausage Hope and Forgiveness, UK Style

The Advent season is upon us, a season of hope, forgiveness and salvation. Greggs, the UK’s largest bakery chain, is renowned for their sausage rolls. Now they have gained notoriety for their Advent calendar, which this year included a controversial ad featuring a sausage roll. Not just any sausage roll, mind you! This particular sausage roll was depicted lying in a manger, surrounded by wise men. Per this Time article, the “Bakery Apologizes for Replacing Jesus With a Sausage Roll in Nativity Scene.

Some customers took offense, so in the spirit of the season Greggs sought their own hope and forgiveness by issuing an apology. According to Greggs, they never intended to cause any offense by the ad.

It’s Not Over

End of story? Not quite. According to The Independent, a ...

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Sausage Search and Seizure — A Dark Day for Sausage

Warning: What follows is a disturbing sausage story from across the pond!

Last September Shirley Manor Primary Academy in Bradford, England, implemented a new policy which bans Sausage Rolls from packed lunches!

In this BBC News article, entitled “Bradford School bans sausage rolls from packed lunches,” we learn about the school’s anti-sausage stance:

Solar eclipse image

Photo by Justin Dickey on Unsplash

“The policy says pupils are encouraged to show their packed lunches to staff before and after they have eaten.

It states pork pies, sausage rolls and pepperoni sticks should not be included and neither should fruit squash or flavoured water.”

The school’s sausage police will call parents if banned items are found in packed lunches.

As you most likely guessed, it didn’t take long for ...

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Sausagefest Accolade

Dictionary definition from dictionary page

Sausage fest” was added to the Oxford English Dictionary earlier this year. While we are incredibly proud of this prestigious accolade, we take this opportunity to officially invite a few OED editors to join us at next year’s Sausagefest. Our hope is that by attending Sausagefest they will better understand the true meaning of Sausagefest and perhaps update their erroneous definition to include all genders and all lovers of sausage.

Still, it’s a great accomplishment, even though “cat lady,” “craptacular” and “haterade” were also added this year.

My personal favorite is: “In vino veritas: Under the influence of alcohol, a person tells the truth.” Next year they need to add​: “In sausage vino veritas: under the influence of sausage and wine, all bets are off.”

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