October 17/2018  Commentary

Given the abundance of negative sausage news out there it’s understandable that any sausage lover might start feeling a bit depressed. There’s the sad story of the 22 year old unemployed, hyphenated Floridian who pelted his mom with sausage because she didn’t drop everything and make him a meal. A true candidate for the Sausagefest Wall of Sausage Shame if ever there was. Then there’s the report out of Milwaukee regarding the shutdown of a sausage plant after recalling 13 tons of headcheese due to a listeria threat. Speaking of the Wall of Sausage Shame, there’s this story regarding the German “sausage cartel” that was fined millions for keeping sausage prices artificially inflated for well over a decade...

January 12/2018  Commentary

According to this article from The Guardian by Julia Carrie Wong, “Extreme temperatures across the east coast are causing cold-blooded reptiles to ‘shut down’ in Florida, while elsewhere sharks and penguins are feeling the chill.”

So alligator lizards are falling from the air? Maybe I should write a song about that … sorry, too little, too late Billy! The band America already sang about that back in the seventies. You probably remember America. They’re the band who became famous singing about heat that was hot. People found it hard to disagree with that. Forty six years later and heat is still hot. Except in Florida. With frozen iguanas falling from the sky, it couldn’t have been very hot in Florida.

Besides the frigid temps, other ...

December 15/2017  Commentary

“Florida family stumped after 15 pounds of sausage falls on house” is the title of this article from ABC15 News.

Earlier this year 15 pounds of frozen Italian sausage mysteriously fell on a family home in Florida. Was the sausage dropped from a plane? Did it fall out of a sleigh? Were Santa’s elves playing with slingshots at their annual summer barbecue a few doors down? It’s likely we’ll never know.

Whatever caused the family to suspect that their lucky meatfall was part of a drug deal is beyond me. If 15 pounds of sausage fell on my house, I’d take it as proof that Sausage Claus exists. Instead of firing up conspiracy theories, I’d fire up the grill but that’s just me, Billy Bratzenbier.