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Embrace the Sausage, Grasshoppers!

Embrace the Sausage, Grasshoppers!

This just in from the “One person’s sausage is another’s poison” department:

The Problem

Hayley Higgins, a “mum of four” from Norris Green, Liverpool, dared to look a gift sausage in the mouth and now must be held accountable. Manna from heaven, in the form of sausage and chips, showed up at her door on Christmas Eve. Instead of thanking her lucky stars for this stroke of sausage serendipity she put up a big fuss because she didn’t get the pigs in blankets, roast potatoes and sprouts she had ordered weeks in advance. Ms. Higgins was the benefactor of a huge holiday sausage upgrade and didn’t even realize it! Her good fortune was twofold: In addition to getting sausage for Christmas, she no longer needed to choke down sprouts and pretend to like them.

Rather than thanking Asda, the grocer who provided the wonderful free sausage upgrade, she disparaged their good name even though they apologized and later delivered the items she initially ordered.

The Solution

What an outrage! Repulsive, sad and misguided! Ms. Higgins is certainly no friend of sausage. When we at see sausage being treated so poorly we feel duty-bound to speak out. We recommend immediate enrollment in sausage remediation courses for Ms. Higgins, as well as as a good dose of sausage sensitivity training. We can only hope that she does not pass her misguided sausage hatred on to the next generation of sausage lovers.

Needless to say, this sausage ingrate has earned her spot on the Wall of Sausage Shame.

Embrace the sausage, grasshoppers!

Proceed to the Liverpool Echo article