Naked Butcher Lands at #4 on the Wall of Sausage Shame!    Man loses 14 pounds in October by sticking to a Beer and Sausage diet.    Toronto Sausage Smuggler places #3 on the Wall of Sausage Shame!    Sausage Alert: New travel warning issued for Adelaide, Australia!    Stop by Billy's Brat Stand for sausage rants, ramblings and diatribes by Billy Bratzenbier, Sausagefest's roving/raving editor!    Sausage Alert: Sausagefest Travel Warning: Bradford, England! Click for details!    Join Kent on the sausage trail! Check out our new Sausage Trail Reports page.    Visit the Sausage Storage archive for past reviews of Sausagefest.    Thanks for visiting Sausagefest.com, the Sausage Portal For The Free World!    Support Sausagefest by clicking our sponsor ads and links!

Category Commentary

Yes, Virginia, There Is A Sausage Claus

From The “Don’t Look A Gift Sausage In The Mouth Department”

Florida family stumped after 15 pounds of sausage falls on house” is the title of this article from ABC15 News.

Earlier this year 15 pounds of frozen Italian sausage mysteriously fell on a family home in Florida. Was the sausage dropped from a plane? Did it fall out of a sleigh? Were Santa’s elves playing with slingshots at their annual summer barbecue a few doors down? It’s likely we’ll never know.

Whatever caused the family to suspect that their lucky meatfall was part of a drug deal is beyond me. If 15 pounds of sausage fell on my house, I’d take it as proof that Sausage Claus exists. Instead of firing up conspiracy theories, I’d fire up the grill but that’s just me, Billy Bratzenbier.

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The Tennis Star, The Butcher and The Sausage Baby

It’s About the Sausage, Baby

This Pedestrian article, entitled Scottish Butcher Celebrates Andy Murray’s Baby With Cursed Sausage Golem describes the unique way that Scottish butcher John Hill celebrated tennis star Andy Murray and his wife Kim’s newborn baby girl. Essentially, he created a sausage baby, so congrats to John Hill on the birth of his sausage baby. More sausage babies means more sausage and that’s a good thing.

The thing about sausage babies is that they make us smile unless they don’t. So how do you send best baby wishes to the parents of a new sausage baby?

  • 🌭 “A sausage baby changes you forever!”
  • 🌭 “Enjoy your sausage baby’s infancy!”
  • 🌭 “The joyful smile on your sausage baby will forever bring you happiness!”

Figuring out the proper sa...

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‘Tis the Season: Sausage Hope and Forgiveness, UK Style

The Advent season is upon us, a season of hope, forgiveness and salvation. Greggs, the UK’s largest bakery chain, is renowned for their sausage rolls. Now they have gained notoriety for their Advent calendar, which this year included a controversial ad featuring a sausage roll. Not just any sausage roll, mind you! This particular sausage roll was depicted lying in a manger, surrounded by wise men. Per this Time article, the “Bakery Apologizes for Replacing Jesus With a Sausage Roll in Nativity Scene.

Some customers took offense, so in the spirit of the season Greggs sought their own hope and forgiveness by issuing an apology. According to Greggs, they never intended to cause any offense by the ad.

It’s Not Over

End of story? Not quite. According to The Independent, a ...

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Sausage Search and Seizure — A Dark Day for Sausage

Warning: What follows is a disturbing sausage story from across the pond!

Last September Shirley Manor Primary Academy in Bradford, England, implemented a new policy which bans Sausage Rolls from packed lunches!

In this BBC News article, entitled “Bradford School bans sausage rolls from packed lunches,” we learn about the school’s anti-sausage stance:

Solar eclipse image

Photo by Justin Dickey on Unsplash

“The policy says pupils are encouraged to show their packed lunches to staff before and after they have eaten.

It states pork pies, sausage rolls and pepperoni sticks should not be included and neither should fruit squash or flavoured water.”

The school’s sausage police will call parents if banned items are found in packed lunches.

As you most likely guessed, it didn’t take long for ...

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Sausagefest Accolade

Dictionary definition from dictionary page

Sausage fest” was added to the Oxford English Dictionary earlier this year. While we are incredibly proud of this prestigious accolade, we take this opportunity to officially invite a few OED editors to join us at next year’s Sausagefest. Our hope is that by attending Sausagefest they will better understand the true meaning of Sausagefest and perhaps update their erroneous definition to include all genders and all lovers of sausage.

Still, it’s a great accomplishment, even though “cat lady,” “craptacular” and “haterade” were also added this year.

My personal favorite is: “In vino veritas: Under the influence of alcohol, a person tells the truth.” Next year they need to add​: “In sausage vino veritas: under the influence of sausage and wine, all bets are off.”

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Billy’s Brat Stand

Ya Hey Dere! You Wanted Kraut On That Brat, Ain’a?

Welcome to Billy’s Brat Stand, musings by Billy Bratzenbier.

Billy Bratzenbier is a roving Sausagefest.com editor and has been described as a “sausage guardian.” His rants, ramblings and sausage diatribes are archived in the posts below.

In Search of the Naked Truth

By Billy Bratzenbier In Search of the Naked Truth After a photo of a naked butcher preparing sausages appeared on Facebook, Australian authorities have vowed to get to the bottom ...
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Evo Terra, A Sausagefest.com Hero

By Billy Bratzenbier Sausage Super Hero Given the abundance of negative sausage news out there it's understandable that any sausage...

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Notable Quotes and Sausage Relevant Observations

Notable Quotes and Sausage Relevant Observations

First, lets toss out the dubious quote often attributed to Otto Von Bismarck about sausage making and politics. There’s no reliable historical source that documents that “Gesetze sind wie Würste, man sollte besser nicht dabei sein, wenn sie gemacht warden” was ever uttered by Otto.

Now with that moldy old false fact put aside, we can bring to your attention some notable thoughts on sausage and the human condition.

“Lawsuit: a machine, which you go into as a pig and come out as a sausage.”
Ambrose Bierce

“Many men are like sausages; whatever you stuff them with, that they will bear in them.”
Aleksey Konstantinovich Tolstoy

“A party is like a sausage machine, it grinds up all sorts of heads together...

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Quit Demeaning Sausage Making

Sausage Display at J & J Czuchraj Meats</a>, Cleveland, OH

Sausage Display at J & J Czuchraj Meats, Cleveland, OH

Opinion

It’s fine if MSNBC and FOX have a war of words over whose leading us to Armageddon. Given recent history there’s ample proof neither political party could even lead us to Armageddon successfully – so color us doubtful.

But, the never ending heat wave across the whole country, too much television (who wants go outside?), and political hyperbole around the deficit is a toxic cocktail that’s been slipped into our drinking supply.

The last two weeks in talks with the leadership from both sides of the aisle has worn me out from the sausage making process. It was ugly, perverse and disgusting.

–Kent Antonius, Editor & Publisher

I think these noxious cocktails are especially affecting the media folks you want to give us the in...

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